Guilt

Yesterday, we had some time to kill in Varese, and we stopped by the in-laws' place. Pale-faced and perma-yawning, I painted a sorry picture. Tiziano is working today, Saturday, which meant that after a week of exhaustion, I was in for a full day alone with the boys. I had already planned a trip to the zoo, and was mining my soul for energy and patience.

Then my mother-in-law said, "Why don't you leave Sebastian here for the night? I will bring him back to you tomorrow evening?"

The sun started rising on my internal horizon, and I think I started tearing up from the joy. My whole weekend started looking up. I started remembering what it would be like sleep a full-night, and knew that I would be able to sleep repeatedly throughout the day. I would be able to cuddle with Lucas, go groceries, go for a walk, sleep repeatedly throughout the day.

It was too nice an offer to refuse.

Then the guilt started in.

If Sebastian knew how happy I was that we were leaving him at nonna's, he would be devastated, the poor thing.

Every time I stood up to get something, he would direct his gaze to me, and wouldn't look away until he was sure that I wasn't going away. And now, I WAS going to leave him there. The poor thing.

At his grandparents' house, which is near his aunt's house, he is the centre of attention, he has everyone under his thumb, he sleeps well and eats well, no one loses her patience, and the entire extended family stop what they are doing so they can visit and play with him. He LOVES his grandparents silly and they love him too.

And I feel guilty because I left him in those conditions. Go figure.