Saturday, 5 November 2011

immigrant rants

Today a German friend of mine came over, and after a few niceties, and our children starting their timid play, we started our usual rant against all things Italian.

Alas, we are the stereotypical immigrants, complaining about how the locals do things, and pining for the eden that is our respective homes.

She's got it worse than I do, because in Germany, one can get the calm of small towns with the amenities of a big city. In Canada, small town life is crap. Culture, amenities, diversity is only in the cities, but then you're living in a city, which sucks. Montreal is awesome, but then where would I live? Plus, those winters! And the language problem! And the work hours/schedule. Lucky to get 3 weeks off! Ugh.

Nope. It's got to be better here, despite Italians, and Italian food, and Italian children, and Italian schools, and ...

excuse me, little brats, but who let you in the house?

...was what I was thinking this morning, and yesterday, and few other times this week. WTF? Is this a phase, or have I gotten child-rearing all wrong? I certainly hope this is a phase, because I really don't know what to do to get Sebastian to behave like a sweet, normal 5-yr-old human being and not a mean, selfish, spoiled brat who throws things around when he doesn't get what he wants.

Holy wowza.

I get all confused with what is personality, what is developmental, what is a bad day, and what is behaviour that is a symptom of something bigger, something other that MUST be corrected. It's in moments like these that I lament the demise of the family and society. Once upon a time, in a healthier world, grandparents, the community, the elders would help guide parents in precisely these topics.

My mother often has good advice, but she made more mistakes than successes as a mother, so I have to be wary: her advice is either based on her own outdated ideas, or is overcompensation for what she couldn't do for me. Also, it is often accompanied by a frenzied almost fatalistic anxiety about the smallest of things. Mountains out of molehills, while what I need to make molehills out of my mountains.

I really, really, really, really hope this is a phase, and that I am doing things mostly right... Only time will tell... Right?

Nothing like parenting to make you humble.


I shamelessly turned the TV on this morning to get the kids to s**t up and calm down. Yes, and I feel completely guilt-free.

I would have preached the curses of TV culture on children to anyone who would listen, before I had kids, or even before I had kids who could be sedated by the TV. Not anymore, nope. Now I thank my karma to let me be born in the age of the TV and internet.

Besides, the TV is a lesser evil than a mother who is ready to throw the kids down the stairs for misbehaving the whole morning. Right?

Nothing like parenting to keep you humble.

Thursday, 3 November 2011

work blues advice

I've been so strong this year at work. Not caring, not losing my cool, not taking anything personally, not trying to make any new friends, enjoying what there is to enjoy, suffering what there is to suffer.

Until this week. A glitch from last month is coming back to haunt me, and I am losing it again. I slept terribly last night, as I have been for the past 15 weeks, but this time, the cause was work blues. Why for goodness' sake can't I just let it all go????

I tell myself, I need to get stronger so I can actually succeed in my next job, which I hope will be a much bigger career. I need to learn to manage people, and not give a s**t. Hubby reminded me that these moments are just episodes, not the whole job, and most importantly not my whole life.

Hubby has really got his s**t together. I am quite honored he chose me as his life partner. To have earned and maintained his respect is truly an honor. I don't want to lose it.

(but he's super lucky to have me too!!!!!!) :)


I'm tired.

I need a vacation.

I want to sleep well.

I want to have nothing to do.

How am I going to handle three?

I'm tired.

different pregnancy

This pregnancy is different than the other two, and this of course must mean I am having a girl. How could it be anything else?

I am 17 weeks + 4 days, and still suffer regular bouts of nausea; I have terrible indigestion; I have been sleeping terribly since conception, both because of insomnia and because of vivid dreams; I have difficulty doing no. 2; I am eating a tonne of eggs, and can't stand fish. I am going through things MUCH more rough than w Seb and Lucas.

Oh and I am barely showing. The bulge at my mid-riff (shh, don't tell anyone!) is mostly chub.

It must be a girl.

People say pregnancies with girls are more difficult than those with boys, more nausea, more discomfort, etc.

It must be a girl.

Twenty more days til I find out.