Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Natural Births

Another friend just had a baby today. She had a natural vaginal birth without pain relief. Again, I am envious, and I feel jipped. I have never and will never experience one of the most fundamental experiences of motherhood, birth. I regularly get the usual reasurrances, "To be a mother is so much more than the birth," "At least you had healthy babies!" "Do you know how many women in the past have suffered so you could have a pleasant, safe, relatively painfree birth!?" "Natural births are overrated - they are way painful, for no good reason!" "You don't have to worry about being 'loose'"

But the feeling deepdown is that I am less of a woman. That I missed out on something important. That all other women share a special bond, that I will never. That I could have taken more risks and fought the system more to get my vaginal birth.

And I also feel judged, by the natural birth believers. It still stings when I think of another acquaintance of mine who drilled me about motherhood, birth, etc., and immediately dismissed me when she said, "No, I am definitely not going to resort to a c-section." Or something along those lines. As if I had a choice in the matter.

The women who have natural births, especially without an epidural, brag, as if wearing a badge, and I am just a failure.

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