Tuesday, 16 June 2009

sadness about the end of nursing

I am a little sad, I have to admit, about stopping my nursing and pumping.

Well, pumping really. Lucas hasn't latched on in c. 3 months. But with the cortisone treatment that has lowered my production to barely anything, and which also means pump and dump for a week, mixed with the fact that he doesn't even latch on anymore, needs more milk that I am producing and that I will be travelling to Canada in less than 10 days, forced me to make the decision to just stop.

Crazy, though. I find nursing mostly a pain in the ass. Very rarely the relaxing bonding experience it is supposed to be. Yet both times I have finally cut the boob off, I have been really sad. Like I am cutting a link to my children. I also feel a little guilty about it being so soon. Lucas is only 9 months. According to some it is a lot, but not the mothers that I admire.

We are currently leaning towards having a 3rd baby (of course, only in 3 years, when both are at pre-school, both out of diapers, both sleeping thru the night, both eating everything and by themselves!), and the thought of having to go through all that initial pain of nursing again just makes me sick! The cracked nipples, the uterines contractions that resemble labour, the let-down pain, the lack of freedom to drink, etc.


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