unravelling

So my kids are sick. And yesterday, Tiziano was sick too. And I just can't kick this profound exhaustion I am feeling. I sometimes feel like I am unraveling, that nothing is real, that my breath is just being fueled by anxious energy. I want to say that it couldn't get any worse. But of course it could. I am one of the lucky ones. Things could get REALLY, REALLY worse. Then I would look back and think that these were the lucky years.

I also don't have any drive or inspiration. Everything seems pointless, and I don't remember what it feels like to care about things. This is mainly a feeling I have about work, but I also feel it towards relationships, and towards any additional teaching or experiences I could expose my kids to.

Am I on the verge of a nervous breakdown? The mild nausea, palpitations, bad circulation, losing sensation in my feet when I go spinning...

I need a vacation.