distance makes the heart forget

Nothing is stronger than a mother's bond, right? Well, I have my doubts.

I was away for work this past week, and when I finally got home yesterday, my dear, sweet baby Nic didn't want me. When I picked him up, he kept reaching out for daddy.

It was devastating.

And completely unfair.

Hubby said it's normal, that I was away for so long, of course it will take him awhile.

Really?

Five days can have that effect??

Really??

He's 18 months old, and I take care of him A LOT. Much more than his father, on a regular basis. I gave birth to him, nursed him for a year, and I am actually quite indulgent with him, yet, five days away, and I am already forgotten, no longer wanted.

I seriously question the concept that the mother-child bond is absolute, strong and undeniable, just because it's the mother. I continue to suspect that whomever takes care of the child is the one to receive the attachment and extra special love. And since it's been mothers who've done this for millennia, the belief is quite engrained. And that it is simply a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And then I wonder if I shouldn't have chosen to be a stay-at-home mom. But I know that an increase in open displays of love and affection is not a good enough reason. What, I should stay home so that my kids love me more? What kind of reason is that? THAT is selfish. People always try to imply that only selfish mothers work instead of stay home with their children; I know that my children would NOT be in better hands with me not working. I see it every summer when I am home for three months: by the end of every August, I become a grumpy, yelling freak always on the verge of hysteria.

Damned if I do, forgotten if I don't.