number 3

Am back from the void. Now that it's out that I am preggers, I can write here again. I couldn't write anything real since I found out I was preggers, basically because I am mostly consumed with nausea. It affects everything I do, my moods, my mood swings, my interactions with people, my family, etc. How can I recount anything without referring back to this constant underlying grossness...

So, now I can complain in peace. I feel like s**t. Yup. In the past week, I've woken up feeling okay, which is nice. But every afternoon and evening, it comes back. From now on, actually, we can call it the Beast. Though I really do hope it will leave soon. It has been since August 9 that I have not had a single day where I felt okay. Today is October 20. This is bulls**t.

**Forewarning** All blogs will be EXPLICIT and R-rated until Beast dies.

End of March baby no. 3 arrives. It seems redundant to even mention that I want a girl. I have a feeling it's a girl. Then I have a feeling it's a boy. Then I wonder if I get these feelings as some kind of emotion/expectation-management coping mechanism. I had this terrible dream last week where I found out that Baby no. 3 was a boy and I was devastated, crying non-stop, etc. I woke up with a terrible feeling in my gut. In general, I don't feel like that - I will be fine if I have a 3rd boy. I mean, of course a tad disappointed, but I will be happy for Seb and Lucas that they will be 3 brothers. But this dream was terrible. And that is what makes me want not to get my hopes up - I don't want to feel like that. I want to love baby no. 3 as I do no. 1 and no. 2. And I will, I know, but I want to love him/her a priori, instantly.

5 more weeks until the next US. 5 very slow weeks...

Hopefully Beast will be gone by then. This is complete bulls**t.

white noise

I need more ears, mouths, brains so I can hear everyone, talk to everyone, and process everyone's needs simultaneously.

By everyone I mean my two children, hubby and my mom, who each have a special relationship with me, and who demand my 100% attention as soon as they start to speak, usually simultaneously. The crazy thing is that none of them can hear the other talk. So, for example, hubby and Sebastian will talk to me at exactly the same time, in two different languages, and they are both completely oblivious that the other is also talking to me.

Same happens with my mom: she will even talk to me when Sebastian or Lucas have already started talking, without hearing them. Craziness. It drives me completely batty! I inevitably snap at the closest person to me, because it is so self-centered to not even HEAR others. I've actually started explaining to Sebastian not to interrupt. He is starting to understand. But how do I educate hubby and abuelita????

vacation priorities

Yes, I have sold out. No, I no longer seek newness, adventure, exotic, authenticity - give me my playparks, amenities, half-board and convenience. I am prey to all the cheesy money-making sellers of flashing junk. I am a tired mom of a toddler and a pre-schooler. Vacation means they need to be entertained, safe, and well fed.

Alas, I am in Rimini, beach destination for the Italian masses. Party town for the college-aged.

Absolute paradise for the tired mom.

process vs. goal? developmental or personality-based?

When does a kid go from enjoying a game because it is simply fun to play, to enjoying a game, because he may win? Is it developmental? Or is it a personality thing?

I was in Spain last week with a wonderful family with two 6-year-old twins. I let our hosts have a date-night and took care of the gang of four. When we were playing green-light/red-light, Lucas (2 and a half) was ecstatic even though he was clueless about what was going on, or what the point of the game was. He was just excited at being included, that mommy was there, etc. The 6-year-old on the other hand - who is by the way the best-behaved boy I have ever seen in my life - was really upset if he didn't win. He was rule-master and saw cheating and unfairess everywhere. Sebastian tried to win, but understood that he wasn't always fast enough. And that seemed to be okay.

So... developmental? Personality? Karma?

indispensable mothers

I have been bedridden and sick for 2 days. And the house is breaking down. Abuelita is starting her "No one ever takes care of me" guilt-tripping, daddy is feeling the symptoms and taking it on the kids and me (and this is compounded with a rough few weeks in his business).

I just need to get better, so I can get back to doing it all, withstanding it all, and catering to everyone's needs. It is both an honour and a calvary, this motherhood thing. What pride to know how strong we mothers can be. What a pain in the ass that no one really appreciates, understands, or cares. Motherhood is the oldest profession. The most under-appreciated. The most misunderstood. The most powerful because of this all.

I love antibiotics right now.

masseur? gym? no need...

I've got two toddlers.

Indeed, why pay 100chf for a massage when I can get two toddlers to climb on my back and jump off it like a springboard?

And the gym? Ha! No need there either. I get one holding on tight to each thigh and play "seesaw."

Once I've stopped work, I can play catch, and and soccer, and soccerball (yes, Sebastian is convinced "soccer" and "soccerball" are two different games), and Ben10.

Speaking of Ben10, I am currently a witness to the insidious effects of peer pressure: Sebastian comes home chanting "vai Juve!", saying he doesn't want to nap at school because only the little ones nap, wanting a hair cut if he starts to look like a girl, and wanting to purchase Ben10 accessories for EVERYTHING. Wow.

i like you

That is the latest adorable little thing Sebastian is saying these days. He alternates between "I love you" and "I like you." When he's loving something I've done, or am doing, or is generally feeling the love, he cuddles up and says in a loveydovey voice that he likes me. Of course, Lucas follows suit...