"Maaammmmaaaa"

Sebastian and Lucas are so happy to have me back, and I am so happy to be back. They've grown so much in just 9 days away. Sebastian speaks more clearly, and has better inflection. He also seems to be more at peace, independant, enjoying reflecting and being in his own little world. Lucas's hair grew, and he runs with more confidence. He also plays more, and the most incredible of all, is that their bond has strengthened. They fight less, and enjoy each other's company more. Sebastian doesn't go ape-shit when Lucas grabs his toy. But Lucas grabs Sebastian's toys less! And Lucas gives cheese to Sebastian at mealtime, even though he LOVES his grana. They act more like two little friends, than like rival siblings. It is just amazing!

Baby no. 3

After 7 days away from my beautiful little darlings, I was looking at pictures of them on my laptop, teary-eyed and called Tiziano to say that we absolutely HAD TO create another little gem (of course, in a few years yet). After returning from my work week away, I spent 3 hours alone with them, the desire for a third dissipated.

baby skiing

I can't wait to see little Lucas and Sebastian on skis!! The kids I see here at Crans Montana taking lessons are *SO* adorable! I can just imagine little Sebastian being terrified and throwing a shit-fit when he actually has to get on them. I wonder how Lucas will be. But I am so happy that I get to offer them this opportunity, to learn to ski young, and have their bodies memorize the movements. The world will be their oyster.

missing my kids

It took me 5 days before I actually started missing my kids. I have been away for 5 days now, and only today do I actually miss them? Does that make me a bad mom? Today, a young 23-yr-old reassured me that no, it is not good to be too crazy for my kids. And she is probably right. But I still feel guilty when I think that I am just about everything to them, and they are not everything to me.

A day away

I went to Lucerne today with Karine. The excuse was to take her somewhere, but really, I love the excuse to get away without the kids. When I get home from these jaunts, I am so much more attentive and patient with my kids, and I feel a surge of love for them.

I can't wait until they get a little older so I can take them there and visit the transportation museum, among other things!

Big brother, little brother

I have had so many delicious parenting moments in the past few weeks. The ones that stand out most right now are the ones that shed light on Sebastian and Lucas's relationship with one another! It is crazy that the simplest and most common realities of sibling life can be so intensely edifying...

Grocery shopping with the two: Sebastian and Lucas holding each other's hands; Sebastian nagging Lucas to come back to the trolley; Sebastian putting the yellow bowl that Lucas took down back onto the shelf.

Potty-training Sebastian: the little M&M treats must absolutely not be given to Lucas, "Baby, nooooo" as Sebastian wags his fingers; Lucas just DYING to get onto the toilet so he can be like his big brother.

Sebastian noting that there is a crack on the wall, and when mommy asks who dun it (teasing daddy for having done a less-then-perfect drywall job), Sebastian answers, "Baby!"

boredom

My father and stepmom tell me that it is good for kids to be bored sometimes. That it helps them cope with boredom in their future. To just be. To face themselves. To see their parents in the daily grind. To unconsciously soak up the life that makes up their memories of childhood.

But I feel guilty when I am not actively stimulating them, playing with them, teaching them something, giving them attention. And I feel like I do all that perfect mom stuff so little. And often, I am not interested in doing it. And thinking about my dad's words of wisdom is no help, really. Deep down, I know that I just want to be sleeping, reading, watching movies, hanging out. Motherhood is hard!

Potty training

Sebastian is officially potty-trained! It was really so easy. I don't know why I was so worried about it. This is another example of how stressed and high strung first-time moms are. Or rather, how stressed and high strung of a first-time mom I am. i was also a little lazy... it is often easier just changing a diaper a few times a day than remembering to remind him to go pee. But now that he actually IS potty-trained, I realize it is the other way around! Now changing Lucas's diapers are a pain in the butt, both his and mine!

Apple Diet

I am doing my infamous apple diet, where I eat only apples and drink green tea for 24 hours straight. Yes, it sounds drastic, extreme, fad diet, bla, bla, bla. But I need to do them to kickstart my healthy, long-term lifestyle, which I'vedone about a dozen times now. No need to say that THIS time, it will work! I MUST stop overeating!!!