hubby back from vacation

And I didn't even notice he was gone. Well, I did, but it was because I could do what I want, and had to take out the garbage myself. Otherwise, no difference. And now he's back, and we've exchanged about 50 words, and here I am blogging, and there he is watching TV.

I don't get why marriage is such a big deal. Why do people want to get married? Why do women think it is the end all of all things? It is mostly tedious, boring, and annoying.

Maybe I expect too much from marriage. But, really, I noticed this week, I have trained myself to expect nothing. And nothing I receive but someone to help pay the bills and keep the house.

I may have picked the wrong man. BUt I know that I didn't. When I met Tiziano, he was exactly what I needed and wanted. And thanks to him, I have grown and matured. But now I want more: I want a friend, a companion to do things with and talk with, and to get excited with about nothing and everything. All he gets excited about is windsurfing, the weather, cars, manual, practical stuff.

Ugh.

cry it out or not cry it out...

was one of the latest Momversation podcasts. Indeed what a topic! The longer I am a parent, the humbler I become. ONce upon a time, I was completely AGAINST crying it out. When I finally resorted to it with Sebastian at 14 months, I became completely FOR crying it out. Now with Lucas, I play it by ear, and completely ALTERNATE based on my levels of patience, sanity and sleep deprivation.

Last night for example, I did a little of both.

At circa 2:30am, I let him cry for 30 seconds, felt guilty, then went in and soothed him. when I put him down. He cried.

I then did NOT let him cry and went in to soothe him again. When finally he lay sleeping, I tiptoed back into bed, and just when I was dozing again, he cried.

I then let him cry it out. Which, thankfully, lasted all of about 5 minutes.

Then I couldn't sleep, and now I am really, really, really tired.

colleagues

My work places me in the line of fire almost constantly. Funny thing, really, because I am really very sensitive. I also have this unhealthy compulsion to want everyone to like me. Ironically, I cannot, EVER, brown-nose. And, because of my absolute disgust of brown-nosing (the minute I feel that someone is brown-nosing, I immediately get grossed out and my respect for them plummets), I also have difficulty dealing with authority. I get so self-conscious of the fact that their perception of me directly influences my life, that if anything, I do the opposite: I determinedly refuse to follow simple rules of etiquette and social appropriateness.

I digress.

The real reason I talk about this is because some people at work treat me like such shit. The same people who treat me like shit, often treat MOST people like shit. But, since i take everything personally, and I totally believe in karma, it really gets me down.

I digress.

Why can't people just say please and thank you!!????!